It's a cold morning today, but I woke up feeling good. My muscles are a little sore, but that's ok, because they're telling me they've been tired out and now they're fixing themselves. This is good.

Ben and I went to my parents house last night to get some of my stuff. That's going to be a challenge. Going through all of my crap so I don't leave a bunch of unneecessary things with the rents. I'm so glad they like Benjamin and the idea that we're married now because it would probably have killed me the last couple months if they had any problems with him.

He's been my tower of strength since I got sick. I don't know how he does it. I really don't. BUT hey-- I don't need to know I suppose. I'm just blessed and I shouldn't question it.

SO we took a bunch of clothes and framed pictures and candles and cosmetic stuff from the house so that's what I get to do today, go through everything we just brought over and organize it accordingly. We already have so much stuff here that a lot of the things in my room are of no use to me at all. Which sucks, because I'd really like to put up a bookshelf that I redid, maybe repaint one of them again and put it in our office or something.
Speaking of which I really need to sit down with Ben and clean out. There are so many things we need to sell or take to the dump or something. Like, good stuf, antique dressers and such. I just don't know what we're going to do with it.

We're going down to so cal next weekend to visit Ben's brother, I'm really excited to go. Hang out with Steven, take some pictures of the guys together, take some pictures on the way home, stuff like that.

I'll be going back to work the day after we get back. AHHHH.... work. It'll be nice to get back into a groove. I'll be able to go to the office, and then to the gym, get myself back in order... I need to workout so badly. My muscles are absolutely shot. Like, I can grab my leg, and instead of the amazing calves that I had before, it's all kinda squishy fat and tissue. That's what happens when you lie on couch for 2 months and move only when you need water, or you need to throw up. YUCK.

Luckily, this whole thing has left me much smaller, and I'll be able to start with a smaller frame and work my way down from there. Yep. I'll be kickin by the time summer rolls around. Camping, hiking, biking. Yes, kids it's going to be a great summer.

Well, it'sabout 8 now, and I'm going to have a pretty big task ahead of me, as far as my chores I've laid out for the day. The sun should be shining at full strength pretty soon, and I LOOOOOVE morning warm sunshine on chilly days.

Who reads this stuff anyway??

Well, It's final. The pregnancy, not the love and hurt though.

I didn't know that you could fall in love with a baby so quickly. I wasn't even really showing at all. There wasn't any belly. I just looked thin. much thinner than usual.

I'll have random moments where I just start crying, and then there are other times when other people are sad, but I want to talk about food or something. I don't want to be sad. I want to be happy that I got to experience that much at least. I don't want to be the person who is so broken that they let their lives fall apart, and their relationships crumble. That's not me.

I worry more about Benjamin though. I'm afraid he's going to be hurting for far longer, because he doesn't express it the same way. He holds it in more.

My body is still weak, my mind is ready to go go go though. I want to go out and run, and lift weights, and play with the dogs, but I get dizzy when I put out too much energy. Not so fun.

I am ready to go back to work and be productive and maybe earn some money. Once I'm feeling MUCH better I might get another part time job up here. Maybe. Who knows. I'm going to see how our money situation goes then see where it leads me. Hopefully working at the office will bring enough extra change into the picture that we'll be able to take care of things without that so I can focus on doing stuff around the house and I don't have to miss being with Ben at night. I don't like being away from him. I know that I'm going to have to at some point. I'm thinking maybe a hostess job at a restaurant or something in the afternoons/evenings. who knows what will happen though. I've never worked foodservice, but if I could get a part time job at a restaurant here in town that would be cool so I wouldn't have to go down into cameron park or anything. Not that it's really that far away.

I'd like to be able to work a budget so Ben and I can live on his paycheck, and save all of mine for investing or house upgrades or vacations or something along those lines. If I could sell my art, that would be cool too.

I'm planning on submitting a few of my pieces to different fairs around here. State Fair, El Dorado County, maybe Placer County. Who knows. We'll see how they go. Maybe I can get some sales out of it. I need to get out and learn how to use my camera more effectively though. I took some awesome pictures of my sister, but that was beginners luck I think. SOOOO Yeah. The capabilities of this machine is incredible, I just need to learn how to use it.

SO Ben and I are going to be having a reception sometime in early june to celebrate our wedding so our friends can be a part of it. I don't really know how we're going to do it, but we're going to do something. Yep. I need to get my sister to help me out with it though, because she planned hers and hers was amazing. Like, I'd really like to do it like a garden party, or backyard pretty barbecue or something. I'm not about the fancy stuff. I'd rather be comfortable and cute. Ya know?

Speaking of barbecues, we'll be having a few this summer. Some here, some at the river. I want to be outdoors as much as possible this summer. Get out and actually do something, ya know?

2007 Year of the Fiesta


Those are my thoughts for the day.